i’d like to crawl into your lap
wrap your sunny disposition and delusions of fidelity
around me,
rest my cloudy head against your chest
and have your breathing lull me to sleep.
i’d like to shake your foundation
chip away at your tower of comfortable upbringing and middle class values
i want to stain your walls with my dirty genes
and leave my fingerprints all over your skin.
but i won’t
because you play the game better than i
you’ve played it your whole life
my mirror projects the rage, insecurities and shame from the past
your mirror reveals only the gifts your parents gave you.
you will try to share everything with me
i will try to destroy it
i will deny everything i’ve ever said
you will stay a little bit longer
and then you’ll leave
and i’ll hate you for doing exactly what i predicted all along
and i’ll hate me for doing exactly what i predicted i would do all along.
i will beg you to save me then resent your intentions
you will promise not to let me fall then find the weight unbareable
i will adorn you with the failures of previous affairs
you will try to find redemption by making me the one that didn’t get away
Gemmi 